Just A Joke
by DerpyFanFicz
Summary: What if The Tallest decided to tell Zim his mission was a lie all along, that he was just a defect? And just how upset would Zim be?


"W-what?" I stammered. It couldn't be true...it couldn't...

"You're just a defect, Zim." Tallest Red repeated himself. "We sent you to Earth so you wouldn't ruin everything. We didn't even think you'd find an actual planet."

"You've done nothing but cause trouble for Irk since the day you were born. Nobody likes you, Zim. You're not an Invader. You never were an Invader. You're just a defect. You're officially banned from Irk." Purple added. The transmission was cut.

I was standing there, in front of a black screen. I don't know how long. An hour? Two? It doesn't matter. I finally walked away. I went to my room. It had a bed, a couple of posters, a nightstand, you know, normal furniture, and a picture of The Almighty Tallest on the wall. I took the picture off of the wall. I stared at it. It was all a lie. These two idots...they lied to me. Like I was some kind of toy. Just to get some cheap laughs. I took the picture, and smashed it on the ground. Glass went everywhere. A large piece cut through my boot and I cut my foot. Yellow blood dripped out. I didn't care. I took the photo, and ripped it in half. These two Irkens weren't Almighty. They were jerks. They were horrible. I would never call them 'The Almighty Tallest' again. To me, they were Red and Purple.

I plopped down on my bed and put my pillow over my head. Those words echoed through my head. 'You're just a defect.' That word...'defect.' It was so hurtful...I looked back on my past. Gir wasn't advanced. He was just a piece of junk. I wasn't an Invader. I never was. The mission...there was no mission. It was all just a game. And I lost.

They just wanted me to die...they wanted me to get lost in space forever...Tak was right. The mission was a lie. They lied to me. I was a defect. Defect. Defect...that word went through my mind at least a hundred times. I cringed every time I thought of that word. Defect. I never knew one simple word...could make me so upset. I was banished...from my own kind...banished to a planet I thought I was supposed to Invade. Banished. Defect. Lie. Tallest. Useless. All those words...they just made me more and more upset. I bit my lip. I had nothing...no home, no mission...no leaders...nothing.

What was I supposed to do? It was all a lie. I wasn't allowed to go back to Irk. How foolish was I? No even able to go to my home planet...I was stuck here, on this horrible planet. Dib...The Dib Human had won.

I didn't go to Skool for a couple of weeks. I just sat in my base...thinking of how useless I was. How stupid I looked in front of my leaders...no...Red and Purple weren't my leaders anymore...I hated them. I used to respect them. I would do anything to please them. I used to be loyal to them. Now I just wished my giant blob I created long ago would eat them, too.

I didn't understand. It's not like I _asked_ to be a...defect. I didn't _want_ bad data transferred into my PAK. I only did what I thought was good. It wasn't my fault...I didn't _want_ to ruin Operation Impending Doom 1. I didn't _want_ to destroy everything I touched. I didn't want to be this way...

I didn't know what to do. What on Irk was I supposed to do here on Earth? I couldn't get over it...I've never been this upset in my life. They used me...they lied to me...they sent me to a horrible planet that they didn't even want me to conquer. Would they send someone to Invade Earth later? A...real Invader? Someone they actually deemed good enough? Someoe...who wasn't a useless defect? I felt a tear stream down my cheek. _'No!_ _Invaders don't cry!'_ I thought to myself. _'...But useless, defective, lousy excuses for Irkens do.'_

I heard the doorbell ring. I ignored it. It rang again.

"Zim! I know you're in there! Why haven't you been in Skool? Huh?" I recognized that voice. It was The Dib. I didn't do anything. I just lied in my bed...like I have been for weeks...I just lied there. A couple minutes later, I heard footsteps. My antennae perked up. I took my face out of my pillow that was wet from tears, and saw who went into my room. It was Dib. Gir must have let him in. Or I was careless enough to leave the door unlocked. Just like me. Always making mistakes.

"...Zim?" Dib asked. "What happened to you? Why haven't you been to Skool? Wait, were you crying? What's going on? Why was your door unlocked?"

"What do you want, Dib?" I demanded. I was going through enough trouble already, and this stupid Earthling getting into my business wasn't helping.

"Zim, what's going on?" Dib asked again. I hesitated. Should I tell my enemy what happened? Why would I? What would he do? He'd probably laugh in my face...like Red and Purple did. Well, why not? My life was pretty much over, anyways.

"It was a lie, Dib." I answered.

"What was?" Dib asked.

"My mission. I'm not a real Invader. My leaders were just making a game out of me. They just sent me to this horrible planet to get rid of me. I'm just a defect." I responded coldly. Dib's eyes widened in disbelief.

"W-what?! Wait, what's a defect?" Dib asked. I sighed. I almost didn't want to answer that. It was just so painful.

"A defect is an Irken with a faulty I.D. PAK. It means I was just a mistake. I never should have been born. It was all a lie, and my stupid leaders just told me a couple weeks ago. I'm banished here, Dib. I can't even come back to my home planet. I've done nothing but cause trouble all my life. I'm just as they said...a useless defect." I said. I expected Dib's expression to be smiling, and I expected him to laugh at me. But...he didn't. His eyes were confused and...unknowing. I could tell Dib didn't know how to respond. I got up. I got out of my bed and stood next to Dib. My face was sticky from the dried up tears. Dib looked at me.

"You may as well." I said. The Dib-worm continued to stare at me as if he couldn't understand what just happened.

"I may as well what?" he asked.

"Capture me! Expose me to Earth!" I snapped. This Human was so annoying.

"...Just like that? You're just going to give up your life?" Dib asked in disbelief.

"What life?" I asked harshly. "Weren't you listening at all?! I just told you I'm useless! I'm not a real Invader! I'm banished FROM MY OWN PLANET! I'M A DISGRACE IF MY PEOPLE, HUMAN CHILD! WHENEVER ANY IRKEN HEARS THE NAME OF ZIM, THEY'LL THINK, 'OH YEAH, THAT'S THAT DEFECTIVE IRKEN WHO WAS SO HORRIBLE HE WAS BANISHED TO SOME FAR AWAY BALL OF FILTH!' MY LEADERS USED ME LIKE SOME KIND OF STUPID PUPPET! THEY LIED TO ME! I'VE DONE NOTHING BUT CAUSE TROUBLE TO IRK SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN!" I yelled. More and more tears were streaming down my face. I was humiliated. Here I was, crying in front of my worst enemy and telling him how useless I was.

Dib flinched. He looked at me with eyes clouded with sadness and confusion. This Human worm didn't actually...feel bad for me, did he?

"I-I'm sorry...I just...I didn't know...I mean...I-I can't capture you now..." Dib said. I sighed.

"If you won't do it, I will." I snapped. I walked out of my room and went into the elevator that led my to the kitchen. Dib was behind me.

"Zim! What are you doing?!" he asked.

"Helping out your stupid species."

"What do you mean?"

"You're just so idiotic! I'm turning my self in! I have nothing better to do! If I don't do this, then I might at well remove my PAK."

"Wait, don't you need your PAK to live or something?"

"Look who's catching on!" I was about to go outside, but Dib grabbed my shoulder.

"I can't let you do this!"

"Why not?! Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

"...Yes...but...I can't let you... because it's for the wrong reason. So some tall Irkens told you you were a defect. So what?" he said like it was nothing. Rage suddenly filled through me.

"So what?! SO WHAT?! You just don't understand, do you? Let me try to get this through your thick, hippo-sized head: I'm not a real Invader. Do you know what that means? It means my leaders told me to go and conquer Earth. But they didn't really want me to. They just wanted me gone. They lied to me, Dib. THEY LIED. I'M BANISHED FROM MY HOME. I CAN NEVER RETURN TO IRK! I'M STUCK HERE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!" I yelled. I was really mad now. The more I explained, the more upset I became. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I ran off back into my base.

Dib didn't know what to do. He wanted to expose Zim...he hated him. But the one thing he hated more than Zim...was Zim crying. Zim's cries of how useless he was echoed through Dib's mind. It was just...so troubling. He couldn't stand it. He had to do something.

"Um...Zim's computer?" he asked.

"Yes? What do you want, Dib?" the computer answered.

"Do, uh, do you know about this? Zim's mission and all?"

"Of coarse. I heard the entire conversation."

"Okay...I need you to call Zim's leaders."

"Ha! Yeah, sure, okay! I'll just let Master's worst enemy have a conversation with his leaders!"

"I'm serious! Zim is about to commit freaking suicide or something and I have a plan! Do you want to be the reason for me not being able to save Zim?"

"...Alright...but I'll be watching you..." the computer agreed.

In the Massive, Red and Purple were eating donuts.

"Incoming transmission from: Earth." one of the Irken guards said.

"Zim? What does he want?" Red asked, surprised.

"Should we answer it?" asked Purple.

"I guess..." Red answered. On the screen, instead of Zim, there stood an angry looking Human boy with a large head.

"...Who are you?" asked Purple.

"That's not important," Dib answered. "Look, I know Zim. He told me all about you lying to him about his mission. I want you to take it back."

"What?" Purple asked, confused.

"Tell Zim that the whole, 'You're mission was a lie' thing was a joke or something! He's really really upset and I think he's going to remove his PAK and kill himself!"

"And why would we do that?" Red asked. He obviously didn't care.

"...I'll give you anything you want." Dib offered. He just hoped they wouldn't ask him to give up planet Earth.

"Anything?" Purple asked. Dib nodded.

In my base, I sat in my chair. My PAK was next to me on my desk, unattached. I had seven minutes and 20 seconds left.

"Incoming transmission from The Almighty Tallest." the Computer said.

"What do they want?" I spat. More lies?

"I think it's important..." the Computer urged.

"Fine!" I sighed. "Put them on." I had six minutes and ten seconds left. Red and Purple appeared on the screen.

"Zim...we, uh...we need to tell you something." Red said.

"What?" I asked harshly.

"That 'Your mission is a lie, you're a defect, we hate you, blah blah, blah' junk we told you a while ago...we were just kidding." Red fake chuckled nervously.

"What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Just kidding?

"Yeah, uh...we were just joking..." Purple said. He glanced at my PAK next to me. "We didn't think you'd take it so seriously and go this far...we're, uh... we're sorry..."

"And why should Zim believe you?" I asked. Red and Purple started whispering something.

"Um...if we were lying to you...would we send you battle tanks?" Purple asked. I suddenly lit up.

"...Do you really mean it? Zim is a real Invader?" I asked eagerly.

"Yes...of coarse you are! You're not a defect or banished from Irk or anything..." Purple replied. "That whole conversation earlier was a...joke...and we're uh...sorry."

"Ohhh!" I chuckled. "Yes, yes, it's alright, My Tallest. For a second, you really had me going there!" I chuckled some more. Just a joke! The whole thing was a joke! of coarse!

"Hehe...yeah...we'll send you your battle tanks as soon as we can for you mission..." Red said.

"Oh, thank you, My Tallest! I'm sorry I ever doubted you! Invader Zim, signing out." I saluted, and the transmission was cut. I had two minutes and forty seconds left, and I quickly reattached my PAK. "I AM ZIM!" I shouted. I ran upstairs to the kitchen, with Dib sitting on my couch, like he was waiting for me.

"Zim!" he shouted happily. Why was this Human child so eager to see me?

"Yes, yes, Zim is fine. It's funny, actually," I chuckled a bit. "The Tallest were just joking, Zim has always been a real Invader. I AM ZIM! Oh, and," I grabbed an Irken device that trapped Dib in a bubble. "Zim is going to have to destroy you now." I said.

"Oh, yeah, I'm so afraid. You'll never get away with this, Zim!" Dib said in an almost happy tone. I took him down my base to do some horrible experiments on him.

Meanwhile, on the Massive, Tallest Red and Purple were eating more donuts. There was a huge pile of donuts next to them.

"Man, getting 100 donuts every week from that large headed Human for telling Zim he was a real Invader was totally worth it!" Purple said. Red nodded in agreement.

Back in my base The Horrible Dib Human finally escaped. I started going to Skool again, and everything was back to normal. I was acting to stupid earlier. Me? Zim? Not a real Invader? HAH! As you horrible stink monsters know...I AM ZIM!


End file.
